Why am I Always Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?

Understanding Hypervigilance and Healing Through EMDR Intensives

Have you ever  found yourself constantly bracing for something bad to happen, especially when things seem fine or good?

You could be sitting next to a partner who loves you. You could be on the receiving end of praise at work. You could be on vacation, smiling in photos… and still, part of you is scanning for what might go wrong next.

This is what many trauma survivors describe as “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” It’s not overreacting. It’s a nervous system that hasn’t had the chance to truly feel safe.

IFS-informed EMDR intensives offer a powerful way to shift this from the inside out—by not just managing the feeling, but helping your system experience something different.

Why Does This Happen?

The feeling of waiting for something bad to happen is usually rooted in hypervigilance, a trauma response where your system stays alert for danger, even when there’s no immediate or obvious threat.

Hypervigilance isn’t just psychological. It’s physiological. It’s your amygdala (the brain’s smoke alarm) staying online longer than necessary. It’s the tension in your shoulders, the shallow breath, the inner unconscious monologue that whispers, “Don’t get too comfortable.”

Often, this pattern develops in childhood environments where emotional or physical unpredictability was the norm. Maybe love was conditional. Maybe affection came with strings attached. Maybe safety never lasted long.

So, even in adulthood—even when your life looks “better” now—your nervous system might still be operating from the past.

What Clients Say

You might recognize yourself in statements like:

• “Why can’t I just feel calm?”

• “I know my partner is safe but I can’t help but worry about something bad happening”

• “Everything is logically fine but I feel so uneasy” 

• “I don’t know how to actually feel joy”

• “I’m always scanning, just in case”
  

IFS (Internal Family Systems) would call these voices protective parts—parts of you that are trying to prevent disappointment or pain by keeping you on guard. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps you target the memories or experiences that caused those parts to form in the first place.

In intensives, we gently explore why these parts exist and what they need to feel safe enough to rest.

Why Insight Isn’t Always Enough

Many people come to intensives after years of traditional therapy, saying things like:

“I understand where this comes from… I just can’t make it stop.”

That’s not a failure on your part. Insight alone doesn’t always shift deeply embedded trauma responses—especially those stored in the body. That’s where EMDR intensives can create powerful change.

An IFS-informed EMDR intensive gives your system the time and space to stay in the work long enough to go beneath the mental chatter. It’s not about pushing. It’s about being with what needs attention—gently and with enough support to stay regulated.

What Happens in an Intensive?

In a 3-hour EMDR intensive (often done over three days), we start with preparation and attunement. That means:

• Building safety in the therapeutic relationship in within your system

• Identifying supportive internal resources

• Listening to the parts of you that are scared of going deeper
  
  From there, we move into targeting the origin stories of your hypervigilance. Using IFS language, we might discover a part of you that feels like a 6-year-old waiting for a parent’s mood to change. Or a teenage part that learned it’s safer to expect rejection before getting attached.

We don’t just talk about those parts—we give them space to be seen, heard, and supported in the ways they never were.

With EMDR and bilateral stimulation (an important aspect of EMDR. Learn more about it, here), we help your nervous system complete the responses it never got to finish. This is what allows healing to move from insight to integration.

How You Might Feel After

After an intensive, you may feel:

• More connected to yourself and others

• Less reactive in your relationships

• You have the ability to enjoy calm without suspicion

• A softening in the constant mental noise
  

This doesn’t mean you’ll never feel fear again. But it does mean you’ll have a greater ability to notice the fear without becoming it. And over time, those hypervigilant parts begin to trust that you can handle what comes—without always needing to brace for it.

A lot of people worry that if they stop being on guard, they’ll get hurt. That’s understandable. Those protective parts have been doing a very good job of keeping you from pain. 

However, IFS and EMDR don’t teach blind trust. They don’t ask you to ignore your instincts. They help you discern…to tell the difference between an old threat and a present-day discomfort. They help you build internal trust so that you get to choose when to soften, when to hold boundaries, and when to stay open.

You Don’t Have to Keep Bracing for Impact

The feeling of always waiting for the other shoe to drop can feel like a personality trait. Like something you just have to manage.

But it’s not who you are—it’s a strategy your system adopted to survive.

And that means it can shift.

IFS-informed EMDR intensives offer a path toward that shift. Not by forcing change, but by creating a space where your system can finally feel what it didn’t get to feel before: safety, connection, and the ability to exhale.

Curious If an Intensive Is Right for You?

You don’t need to be “completely ready” to reach out. In fact, part of our process is exploring whether an intensive feels like the right fit for you and your nervous system.

📍 I offer IFS-informed EMDR intensives in Colorado and online. I am now offering online intensives for Florida residents. 

If you're looking for trauma therapy that gets to the root and honors your pace, this may be the next step.

Book a free consultation today to learn more.

Curious about what an IFS EMDR intensive actually looks like? Click here. 

Coming soon: Content Within, a small-group coaching experience for women navigating life after trauma—designed to help you understand your inner world and reconnect with your sense of self. Reach out for more information, here.