Forgiving Yourself in Relationships: How EMDR Intensives Can Help

Relationships can bring out both the most beautiful and the most painful parts of us.

Maybe you’ve been the one who shut down, avoided hard conversations, or said things you regret. Maybe you’ve over-accommodated, stayed silent, or lost yourself in trying to keep the peace. And maybe now, you carry shame about all the ways you feel you’ve failed — in love, in connection, in showing up.

If this is you, you’re not alone.

And more importantly, there’s nothing wrong with you. The way you’ve shown up in relationships is not a sign of who you are at your core. It’s a reflection of what you’ve lived through and what your nervous system learned to do in order to survive.

The Heavy Weight of Self-Blame

Women who’ve experienced trauma, especially childhood trauma, often carry such heavy blame for the patterns they developed to cope.

You might find yourself thinking:

• “I should’ve known better.”

• “Why do I always ruin things?”

• “I don’t know how to do relationships right.”

• “I keep choosing the wrong people.”

• “I wish I could go back and undo everything I said or didn’t say.”

• “Why did it take me so long to figure this out?”

  These thoughts don’t come from your wise, grounded self. They come from parts of you that are still trying to protect you — often by blaming you first, before anyone else can.

Why This Shame Runs So Deep

When we grow up in environments where love felt conditional, inconsistent, or unsafe, our nervous system adapts.

You may have learned:

• It's safer to people-please than speak up.

• Conflict = danger.

• Expressing needs = being too much (what is it even like to have needs?).

• If someone leaves, it must be your fault.

• If you're hurt, you're supposed to just get over it.
  
  These beliefs don’t disappear just because you’re an adult now. They continue to run in the background, especially in your closest relationships … often without your conscious awareness.

You’re not making this up. These are real trauma responses and attachment wounds. And they can deeply impact how you navigate love, connection, boundaries, and trust.

You Don’t Need to “Try Harder.” You Need a Different Kind of Healing.

If you’ve been in talk therapy or journaling your heart out trying to change these patterns but still feel stuck, it’s not because you’re resistant or broken.

Some wounds are deeper than words.

That’s why I offer IFS-informed EMDR intensives — a deeper, focused approach to healing that helps you get to the root of your relationship struggles, release shame, and reconnect with the version of you that knows how to love and be loved without self-abandonment.

Let’s Talk About What That Actually Means

• IFS (Internal Family Systems) helps us understand the different parts of you — like the part that self-criticizes, the part that avoids conflict, the part that craves closeness, and the part that shuts down when things get hard.
  
  

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps reprocess the original experiences (even ones you barely remember) that taught those parts they had to take on those roles.
  
  And when we combine them in a safe, focused intensive… OOO that’s where big transformation happens.

What Happens in an Intensive?

Imagine setting aside dedicated time — no rushing, no distractions, just space — to deeply explore and heal what’s been keeping you stuck in painful patterns.

In my intensives, we spend several hours together (across multiple days) in a trauma-informed, emotionally attuned space. We move gently and collaboratively, honoring your capacity while also going deeper than you’ve likely gone in traditional therapy.

We might focus on:

• That moment you first felt unworthy of love.

• The relationship where you learned to silence yourself.

• The experience that made conflict feel terrifying.

• The memory you’ve never shared — even with your closest friends.
  
  And we do this work while staying grounded in the body, honoring your parts, and never pushing past what feels safe enough.

You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to stay stuck in blame.

Forgiveness 

Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior or bypassing accountability.

It means recognizing that:

• You were doing your best with the tools you had.

• Your nervous system was protecting you, even if the strategy wasn’t ideal.

• You can still grow, repair, and reconnect with your truth — without punishing yourself along the way.
  
  IFS-informed EMDR intensives aren’t about “fixing” you.

They’re about helping you return to yourself — the version of you who doesn’t need to earn love, over-apologize, or keep reliving the past on a loop.

If You’re Carrying Guilt, Shame, or Regret in Your Relationships…

Here’s what I want you to know:

• You can heal. Even if the wounds are old. Even if (especially if) you’ve tried before.

• You deserve space to look at what’s happened with compassion — not criticism.

• You are not the version of you who lashed out, shut down, or disappeared.

• Your parts that hold the beliefs about relationships are valuable and important… they’ve worked so hard to protect you

The work we do together in an intensive is about meeting that part of you, not rejecting her.

Ready for Deeper Healing?

If you’re tired of trying to logic your way out of relationship patterns that feel deeply emotional…

If you want to feel more secure, confident, and grounded in how you show up…

If you’re craving a healing space that goes beyond surface-level insight…

Then a personalized EMDR intensive might be what you’ve been looking for.

You don’t have to keep carrying this shame.

You don’t have to keep doing it all alone.

You can forgive yourself — fully, deeply, and without conditions — and start building the kind of relationships that feel safe, nourishing, and true to you.

Ready to Explore an EMDR Therapy Intensive in Denver, CO?

IFS-informed EMDR intensives are designed to help you reconnect with the parts of you that long for safety, love, and connection. We will work together to develop self trust and a positive sense of self so that you don’t have to earn those things through self-sacrifice in relationship.

You can have relationships that feel nourishing.
You can feel more secure in yourself, not just in how others respond to you.
You can stop being so hard on yourself, and start being with yourself instead.

If you're curious about whether an EMDR intensive is right for you, I’d be honored to talk with you. Schedule a free consultation here. 

Want to know more about EMDR therapy as a modality? Click here.