Why Do I Keep Ending Up in Relationships Like This? Exploring Relationship Patterns with IFS-Informed EMDR Intensives
Have you ever stepped back and asked yourself, “Why do I always end up in the same kind of relationship?” or “Am I sabotaging myself and this relationship?”
If you have, I see you. Whether it’s partners who don’t meet your needs, a constant sense of walking on eggshells, or feeling unseen even in your closest connections, repeated relationship patterns can be incredibly confusing and painful.
You might logically know what a healthy relationship looks like… yet still find yourself stuck in old dynamics. EMDR intensives, especially when informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS), can offer the deep clarity and healing needed to finally break free from those cycles—without spending years in weekly therapy.
What Are IFS-Informed EMDR Intensives?
IFS-informed EMDR intensives combine two powerful, evidence-based approaches:
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps resolve distressing memories and core beliefs that drive current behaviors.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) helps identify and work with “parts” of you—like the one who avoids conflict, wants to run, or the one who shuts down when emotions feel overwhelming.
A therapy intensive condenses months of therapy into just a few days, so you can go deeper, faster, and make real movement on stuck patterns that haven’t shifted through traditional weekly or talk therapy.
Relationship Patterns Often Have Deep Roots
Most people don’t end up in painful relationship dynamics because they “don’t know better.” These patterns are often unconscious survival strategies that were developed early in life—and they can feel nearly impossible to shift, even when you want to.
Some examples:
Maybe you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable partners because some parts of you feel that was normal because of how you grew up.
Maybe you avoid expressing needs out of fear you’ll be “too much” or pushed away.
Maybe you stay in relationships for a long time, hoping they’ll change, even when your body (and logic) is screaming to leave.
You may not have had a single traumatic event. Sometimes it’s a series of small, consistent messages—like being ignored, judged, dismissed, or emotionally abandoned—that shape how you relate to others today.IFS-informed EMDR intensives help you safely go back to the root of these patterns—at the nervous system level—so you can heal from the inside out.
The Power of Parts Work in Relationships
IFS gives us language for the inner conflicts we often feel in relationships. For example:
One part of you longs for connection.
Another part fears being abandoned.
Another gets angry and pushes people away before they can hurt you.
This internal tug-of-war can leave you confused or ashamed of your reactions. In IFS, we get the chance to explore these parts of you to understand their story and purpose. We can catch them up on methods that are not serving you anymore.In an IFS-informed EMDR intensive, we don’t try to get rid of these parts. We help them feel safe enough to relax. We access the memories or beliefs they’re holding onto, and use EMDR to reprocess those experiences so your system can shift.
Common Relationship Struggles That EMDR Intensives Can Help With
You don’t have to meet criteria for PTSD to benefit from an EMDR intensive. Many women who seek intensives are dealing with the ripple effects of childhood emotional wounding, inconsistent caregiving, or toxic relationship patterns that left an imprint. They feel stuck in their relationships with others and with themselves.
Some common issues that can be addressed in intensives:
Fear of abandonment
You may find yourself clinging too tightly or avoiding closeness altogether because you fear being left.Conflict avoidance
Disagreement feels dangerous, so you silence your needs to “keep the peace”—but end up resentful or burnt out.Difficulty trusting or expressing needs
You learned early on that your needs weren’t safe to express, and now it’s hard to advocate for yourself in adult relationships.Over-functioning or people-pleasing
You constantly manage others' emotions while ignoring or dismissing your own.
Why an Intensive Instead of Weekly Therapy?
Weekly therapy can be incredibly supportive and, sometimes it just doesn’t feel like enough, especially if:
You’ve been doing therapy for years but certain patterns won’t budge
You want focused support around a specific relationship issue
You’re aware of a deeper wound but feel too scattered to explore it in 50-minute chunks
You feel ready for a breakthrough and want a space that’s fully dedicated to YOU
IFS-informed EMDR intensives are tailored to your story. You’ll have extended time to settle in, get to know your parts, and do the kind of work that typically gets interrupted by the clock in standard therapy.
What Does an Intensive Actually Look Like?
Here’s a simplified outline of how a 3-day intensive might go:
Pre-intensive consultation: We meet beforehand to understand your goals and ensure you’re emotionally ready for this deep work.
Day 1 (3 hours): We build safety, introduce IFS concepts, and begin identifying parts and target memories that may be holding relationship patterns in place.
Day 2 (3 hours): EMDR reprocessing begins. You’re guided through past experiences with deep compassion and regulation support.
Day 3 (3 hours): We continue reprocessing and focus on integration—helping your system move toward new beliefs and behaviors in relationships.
You’ll also receive a post-intensive integration session and customized resources so the progress continues beyond those three days.
You Don’t Need to “Figure It All Out” Alone
Many women carry deep shame around their relationship patterns. They think they’re too broken, too much, or not enough.
If you’ve internalized messages like “I just need to try harder” or “it’s my fault I keep ending up in these situations,” please know:
Your body and mind learned ways to keep you safe. You are not a failure, you are an expert in survival.
IFS-informed EMDR intensives don’t try to fix you. They offer you a space to understand yourself more deeply, access your own inner wisdom, and heal the burdens that keep showing up in your relationships.
Ready for a Different Kind of Healing? IFS Informed EMDR Intensives in Denver, Colorado
If you’re ready to finally break the cycle and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships, from a place of self-trust and internal safety, an IFS-informed EMDR intensive might be right for you.
You don’t have to keep repeating the same story. You can write a new one and it starts with understanding the one you’ve been living.
I offer IFS Informed EMDR Intensives online across Colorado or in the Denver area. Contact me here to schedule your free consultation.
Want more information about EMDR? Learn more about this evidenced based treatment, here.
